Thursday, April 3, 2008

do you read this? I don't know...

I had a dream about you last night. I was feeling ill after a night of drinking and "partying." I laid down in my bed, in the dark, and began to spin. My brain started to feel like it was melting and I felt as though I were on the phone with someone and I could barely hear what they were saying... all they were saying was "What?"

so I called you and i knew it was wrong but i didn't know who else to call. it just made sense. when i called you, you already had the phone to your ear because you were also calling me at the same time.

all i said was, "will you stay the night with me?" and you were already there... under the covers, body close to mine, and the warmth made me feel so much better.

and just as i started to fall asleep you were gone. i got up to look for you, and you were in the kitchen. you tried to kiss me and i said no... we can't do this, it's wrong.

we went back to bed, and before i could count to 10, there were at least 5 other girls in bed with us. and you no longer cared about sharing my body warmth... you just wanted to kiss all the other girls. and i felt crowded and sleepy. i felt like the comfort that we shared was empty.



and upon waking up i realize the dream kind of embodies how i feel towards you. you've always seemed so forbidden from me. and i feel like i could never trust you because i could never look past my selfish possession. and then there is such a large part of me that feels like we would be perfect companions. if only things were different. and i'm not saying i wish they were... I'm only commenting on how funny how life works.... we're perfect for each other, but there couldn't be a worse idea than pursuing that notion. might as well just keep it in our dreams. we have the best conversations there anyway.

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